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He Said/She Said: Future presidents

Tiger Woods
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Since it’s unlikely any of the U.S. Presidents Cup team members will ever be politicians, Golf Guy and ‘Birdie’ Bailey Mosier teamed up to elect each man 'President' of other sorts.

Nick Watney – President of the Andy Roddick Look-a-Like Club. Not a lucrative second career – not a mildly important one either – but it’s something. And hell, Mr. Roddick DID land Brooklyn Decker. 

Steve Stricker – President of the Small Movement to Make the Hole Smaller. Sounds cheesy, if you ask us.

Tiger Woods – President of the Large Movement, oh wait … anyway, he wants all fire hydrants removed from gated communities for aesthetic reasons (wink wink).

Hunter Mahan – President of the Mullet and Scraggly Goatee Preservation Society.

Matt Kuchar – President of the Blank Stare Association. When nominated, he didn’t blink.

Dustin Johnson – President of the I Walk Like John Wayne Fan Club. Surprised that his clothing sponsor hasn’t picked up on this. Picture it: DJ swaggering to the tee box, wearing a cowboy hat, some chaps, a sheriff’s badge and branding a holster (for extra golf balls and perhaps his yardage book and scorecard).

Webb Simpson – President of the If the USGA and R&A Would Have Changed That Damn Ball Moving on the Green Rule in 2010 Instead of 2011 I Would Have Probably Been Awarded the Player of the Year Club. Side note: Luke Donald declined Simpson’s offer to be vice president of this long-winded named club.

Phil Mickelson – President of the National Roller Coaster Enthusiasts. Or better yet, he creates and opens his own theme park. The best ride in Lefty’s amusement park? The Augusta Express. The scariest? The Winged Foot 18th Hole Tower of Terror.

Bubba Watson – President of the Americans Are Not Insular Club. He still doesn’t understand why President Bush invaded his hometown of Bagdad (Fla.). Said, “There were no weapons of mass destruction there. Bubba took ‘em all on Tour.” 

Jim Furyk – President of the Comeback Greenback Association. Word is they lost 10 million members this year. That’s enough to make a guy move to Zuccotti Park and camp out.

Bill Haas – President and founder of the Water Wedge Golf Club. Much like Gene Sarazen was credited with inventing the sand wedge, Haas develops a club that is used to help golfers eradicate themselves from greenside ponds with ease. 

David Toms – President of the Atlanta Athletic Club. The first thing he’s going to do after firing Rees Jones is build a bridge straight from the Club to Shreveport. Huey Long would be so proud.